Birds and Bees
Beyond making babies...
The origin of the phrase, used in this way, is ambiguous. There are a few different potential sources including a 1909 publication called The Story of Life, as well as a lyric from the popular Cole Porter, “Let’s Fall In Love.” Regardless, of who said it first and how, this phrase, along with a million others like it, allow us to talk about sex in code words uttered in hushed tones.
One of the things I like most about being a sex and intimacy coach is that I get to tell grown-ass adults about their genitals without having to pretend I’m talking about reproduction. Chances are, if you received sex education of any kind in school, it focused exclusively on anatomy and physiology as it relates to making babies. What we don’t regularly teach is that people have sex because it feels good—physically, emotionally, and relationally. In omitting pleasure and connection from the curriculum, we miss the opportunity to impart essential knowledge about how our bodies work, what makes them feel good, how to manage desire and arousal, the mind-body connection, vulnerability, safety, consent, taking responsibility for impact, and cultivating intimacy. Procreational sex-ed is incomplete, invalidating, and creates more questions than it answers. Pleasure-based sex-ed is empowering, validating, and inclusive.
My purpose in creating The Intimacy Lab is threefold:
To provide science-based anatomy and physiology of pleasure in a voice that normalizes sex as a natural part of our overall wellness and a healthy form of creative self-expression.
To explore the true essence of intimacy and practical ways to cultivate the deeply connected relationships you desire and deserve.
To propose a weekly “safe-to-fail” experiment in the privacy of your own home that will support you in broadening your bandwidth for pleasure and sensation, and to deepen your connection to yourself, others, and the world.
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From the book…
“Our sense of self is much richer when we are able to articulate how we feel, in all its potency and complexity. Our self-awareness in this way is the foundation of emotional intimacy with others and the world.”
—Zoë Kors, Radical Intimacy
In the lab…
Experiment #1:
Name Your Genitals
Language is powerful, it shapes our reality. What words did your primary caregivers use to refer to your genitals? There’s a good chance, as a kid, you were taught to use euphemisms like bottom, down there, cookie, wee wee, etc. The truth is…your body is divine, delicious, and you deserve to feel comfortable and confident in referring to your genitals. Today’s challenge is to think about and intentionally choose what words you use. Vagina, Vulva, Penis, Scrotum are the terms comparable to, say, Liver, Arm, Scalp. You don’t have to choose to use these words, you could choose Pussy, Dick, Balls, or even something like Honey Pot, Magic Wand, or perhaps, Beatrice, Viviana, or Samuel. The point is you get to choose. Take this opportunity to think about it and practice speaking the words you choose. Own your body loud and proud!