It’s Not Pee

The other fluid you should know

Google “squirting” and once you get past the porn listings, you’ll get to a slew of articles with information about what percentage of female ejaculate is urine. It’s been the topic of debate along with most other aspects of the anatomy and physiology of female pleasure. 

Through my experience with sexological bodywork, my training in Tantra, and my very own body, I have a personal relationship with female ejaculate and for the sake of all things good and holy, it’s not pee.

In his book Kunyaza: The Secret to Female Pleasure, my friend and colleague Habeeb Akande writes extensively about the East Africa practicethat serves as a great example of what’s possible when we entertain alternative ideas about the nature of pleasure and human sexuality. In Rwanda, sexual pleasure for women is considered a basic right. Pleasure-positive sex educators called Ssengas teach young women about their bodies and relationships and encourage them to enjoy sex. They speak with them about consent and agency and also act as relationship counselors and sex therapists. Vaginal ejaculation is part of the cultural narrative.

According to Rwandan sexologist Vestine Dusabe, 80–90 percent of cisgender Rwandan women are capable of female ejaculation and do so regularly through the practice of kunyaza. To perform this technique, a man externally stimulates his partner’s vulva, massaging, stroking, and tapping her labia and clitoris with the glans, or head, of his erect penis. He teases her desire and arousal in this way to maximize her pleasure and ability to ejaculate either before or during orgasm. When his partner is sufficiently lubricated and aroused, he proceeds with penetrating her rhythmically with deep or shallow thrusts (or both) with direct or indirect clitoral stimulation. Alternatively, a woman can use her partner’s erect penis to bring herself to orgasm.

The inclusion of ejaculation in a Rwandan woman’s orgasmic experience is an expectation. The experience, referred to as “pouring rivers” or “joyful waters,” is seen as a natural and rightful part of female sexual expression. In fact, Rwandan men are expected to be able to satisfy women sexually and consider the ability to do so a privilege. Kunyaza is also practiced in Uganda and Kenya where it is known as kachabali. It’s worth mentioning that the kunyaza technique can easily be practiced with a dildo instead of a penis.

Vaginal ejaculation, also referred to as “squirting,” is the forcible expulsion of fluid from the vulva during sex. It can happen simultaneously or separate from orgasm. Like other facets of female sexuality, there is much debate in the medical and research communities about the nature of female ejaculate fluid and the process by which it is released. The source of the ejaculate fluid is the Skene’s gland. If you’ve had experience with yourself or a partner ejaculating, you know that the fluid itself is decidedly not urine. There have been traces of urine found in its composition, which is undoubtedly because it is ejected through the urethra. The fluid itself doesn’t smell, taste, or feel like urine, however. It is milky, slick, and odorless and tastes slightly sweet.